Saturday, August 1, 2009

NOT WEDDING RELATED

This entry is about me, about my life, and about what I'm just now learning about my life. It is nothing wedding related whatsoever, but this is something I have to blog.

As far as life is concerned, mine is good. Not WONDERFUL, not AMAZING, but just GOOD. I am so happy to have found a wonderful, loving, caring and understanding best friend to share my life with, and in that aspect, I am ESTATIC. Other things really bother me though. My relationship with my sister for one. I just don't understand her. I mean she is who she is and I've accepted that, but she's supposed to be my sister. We don't have that sisterly bond at all. She's done so much stuff, and I mean BAD stuff to me in our lives that I just can't have her in my life anymore. I just absolutely can't. It is soooooooo sad and heartbreakig that I have to deal with it in that manner, but I've got to. I can't continue to let her bring me down. I don't think I can honestly and truly "forgive" her for our mom's passing away (long story) but ultimately, if she would have done what she needed to to, then I firmly believe that mom would have still been alive. I've not forgiven her for the stunt she pulled which caused me to miss my own mother's furneral. That, I will NEVER forgive her for. But, everyone, and I mean absolutely everyone kept telling me that it was time to get over it... "she's your sister" they said.. "she's all you have left"... I have my dad.. I have my brother.. I have my children.. I have my friends. So, no, she is not all I have left.

I am just now learning at the ripe old age of 41, that I have BOUNDRIES. I am lucky enough in my life to have a wonderful and dear friend (who've I was once extremely close with but since she moved out of state, over the years we kinda just ended up continuing to stay in touch every once in a great while). She knew me pretty darn good, probably the best anyone ever has. She tried to teach me that I have the right to say "no" to people. We worked so hard for me to be a strong person for myslef and to stop being so giving to others. That is was okay to say no. You see, I have a hard time letting people down.... I have a hard time saying no to them. This friend, whom I just spoke to yesterday after a long period of time not having contact with her, told me in our conversation... "Michele, you are such a loving and giving person. You always give with 100% of your heart, but you never think about your own feelings."

I have been reading the book "Boundries" and I am learning what they mean from a life's perspective. What an eye opener. I am still reading and still learning, but let me tell you, I am going to be a better person when I'm done! I'm learning that I can't associate with the people who have a negative impact on my life. Unfortunately in my case, one of those people is my sister. I love her dearly, but I can not and will not continue to let her use me, abuse me emotionally, or put me down in any way, shape or form.

I am trying to be a stronger person and I'm certainly learning that I AM my own person.

Whew.... that was good. Anyway... off to try and get to the weight room and perhaps do some laps in the pool. :)

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